A daily family circle is composed of people who each play a specific role.
Last year in ours, Dad was the oldest at 73, all the way down to Liv who was 3.
Even with Liv being โnewโ, I could no longer imagine our family without her.
I took great comfort in the puzzle pieces all fitting together perfectly. ย ๐งฉ
Have you ever seen a puzzle with ONE missing piece? ย
As someone who likes things โjust soโ, it feelsโฆ
Uncomfortable.
Out of balance.
Iโll share the most helpful piece of advice that Iโve read about grief from author Michael Singer:
โ๐ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ด ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ข ๐ง๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐บ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด๐ญ๐บ ๐ฑ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ๐ง๐ถ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ช๐ต'๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ณ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ณ๐จ๐บ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ด๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ช๐ด ๐ฏ๐ข๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ข๐ญ, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ด ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ถ๐ญ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ๐ญ๐บ ๐ข๐ค๐ค๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ต, ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ "๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ช๐ด"? ย ๐๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ต ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐ถ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ.
๐๐ฆ๐ต๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ช๐ด๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ด๐ข๐บ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ต ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฎ๐ข๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ, ๐ช๐ต'๐ด ๐ข ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฏ๐ข๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ข๐ค๐ฆ. ย
๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ฃ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ค๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ณ๐ข๐ธ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ข๐ด๐ฌ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง, "๐๐ข๐ฏ ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด?"
๐๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ต'๐ด ๐ข ๐ณ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฐ๐ณ๐ช๐ค๐ข๐ญ ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ช๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ด๐ข๐บ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ต, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ญ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฏ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ท๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ โ ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต ๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ. ย ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ถ๐ญ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ฃ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ค๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ข๐ค๐ค๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต ๐ช๐ต ๐ด๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ญ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง.โ
โโโโโ
As I move through this โrearrangementโ of people I get to enjoy each day, I choose to stay busy.
The words currently in my Google search bar:
โHow to release an albumโ
After the Nashville recording adventure mentioned in my previous post, Iโm grateful this will be a new project to fit in between work and lullabies.
An empty cup I can pour my thoughts into.
When you have a lot going on, the days move fast.
Like trying to grab a slippery fish with bare hands.
I have to intentionally make the space to slowly BREATHE.
โโโโโ
Here is the next batch of sneak peeks. ๐ถ ๐ค
Iโll post โBehind The Lyricsโ when the full songs are ready to be released, but in the meantime, introducing:
๐ต ย Best Life Ever
๐ต ย I Will Trust You
๐ต ย Love Will Remain
Making this album is a fascinating experience of learning, growth, and release.
With songwriting, itโs the one area of my life I can be happy without being dependent on a specific achievement beyond personal satisfaction.
โ ย I love the process
โ ย I aim to do my best
โ ย Itโs connected to a higher purpose whether for music therapy or simply creative delight.
When limiting beliefs creep in such as what someone might think of a particular song, or if Iโm even good enough to botherโฆ
I encourage myself to focus on one good thing:
One catchy melody.
One lyric that moves me.
It quiets the chatter in my mind.
Iโll ask myselfโฆ
โIs this negative thought useful?โ
The answer is always, โNo.โ
The goal is how to redirect our focus to the joy of simply creating.
Or [insert whatever activity brings YOU joy].
And really, it doesnโt matter because you are going to die. So am I.
One day.
At that point, what will it matter if you hit the wrong note?
Or missed the shot?
Or forgot the words?
Or said something embarrassing?
It wonโt matter. ย What will matter isโฆ
๐ฅ You did it.
๐ฅ You sang.
๐ฅ You took the shot.
๐ฅ You got the courage to introduce yourself.
Mistakes are part of the creative process, but the more mistakes you make, over time you begin to develop a relationship with them.
Ever thought about where the โ40โ comes from in WD-40?
Itโs the number of times it took to get the right formula.
โโโโโ
We say the words โOne Dayโ because it doesnโt make sense to do โthe thingโ right now.
- kids are still at home
- no time or money
- too busy
- too old
- not good enough yet
The idea of not being alive to one day do the thing you want to do almost seems unreal.
I know it felt that way to me.
But when I was sitting on the edge of my Dadโs literal death bed and witnessed him take his final breath of lifeโฆ
It became REAL.
There were no more notes he could sing.
No more shots he could take.
No more candles to blow out.
No more anythingโฆ
โโโโโ
Dad did a lot while he was here โ THAT I will remember.
He lived intentionally.
I didnโt realize he was teaching me by example until recently while reflecting on ALL the things Iโd already done thus far in life.
And if Iโm being truly honest with myself, all of the excuses never seemed to matter when it was something I felt called to do.
I found the money.
I made the time.
โก๏ธ When it really mattered.
I backpacked alone through Europe for 2.5 months at age 22 on a *very* tight budget before getting a โrealโ job. ย It was AMAZING.
I found a way to record my first album in 2010 right before saving up to make the leap starting a business with a lot of unknowns, living paycheck to paycheck and doing trades. I had a lot of time, little money.
On the flip side, Iโm now making this album while seemingly have no time, running a business that supports a team and their families, nurturing a marriage, while also being a present parent for three young kids.
There are some days when I literally have no energy to make one more decision, one more snack for tiny fingers, one more ANYTHING beyond the bare minimum. ๐ฎโ๐จ
And then other days I feel โonโ, completely in flow to create beyond what feels possible. ๐
What seems to be the trick (for me)?
1. Allowing GRACE when my brain feels quiet, while simultaneously embracing the abundant flow of creativity when it presents itself.
I didnโt feel musically inspired for 10 years.
Thatโs A LOT of grace.
2. Nurturing the creativity.
Once a couple of song ideas started trickling in, I began consciously allowing the music to present itself.
Literally visualizing opening space for it in my brain.
Moving my body in new ways to hopefully rewire the neurotransmitters in my brain to reactivate what had been dormant for a while.
3. Meditation each night to calm my nervous system, which had been on overdrive as we watched my amazing Dad go from being the healthiest person we knew to requiring โround the clock care as pancreatic cancer tightened its deathly grip, and thenโฆ gone within months.
There will always be misses. Iโve swung and missed plenty. ๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ
I used to keep rejection letters from art schools and scholarships I applied for, harboring the memory of every โNo.โ
It builds muscle.
They hurt less over time.
It all works out. Even when it doesnโt, it does.
We donโt know WHY things happen for us the way they do.
But at my last breath, Iโll know I SHOWED UP.
Dealt with the misses.
Aimed to love the process even when it was hard.
Even that one time it was *really* hard.
During a 1 hour heart-centered conversation with someone who lost his own father, he graciously shared with me the final few words of his amazing dad:
โIt was worth it.โ
For each of us supporting each other as we find our own ways to make life worth itโฆ Feeling Blessed & Grateful โค๏ธ